foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
