We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
