How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
so let's talk penis.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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