everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
