I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I will die if light touches me.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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