You kept calling me your small dog last night.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
