Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
