i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
