p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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