Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
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