alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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