I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
