I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
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