p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
There r osticjed everywhere
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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