Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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