remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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