Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
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