I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I just gargled with NyQuil
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
