hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
