You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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