i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
At least make sure they are 18
Why
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
