I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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