It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
