were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
