My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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