My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I just want to make out with him forever
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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