She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
what day is it and did you see me today?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize