Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
