i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
