i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
