Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
