I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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