You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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