Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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