Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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