Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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