bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
