Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
