nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize