i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I got her a Nickelback box set.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
