Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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