Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
