Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
