that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
