can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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