I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
