You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
