Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
