So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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