Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
