Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
