no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
