you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
