I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
