My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize