oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
