ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
