apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
