We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
