Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i think i have two assholes
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
