I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
