all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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