I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
