you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
pop tarts are not kleenex
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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