dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Randomize
