why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
