I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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