you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I still have a little drunk in my system
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
