Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
