I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
