you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
