After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
