so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
