oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
