my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
